Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bad Manners

I know we all have bad days, and yes I too have been guilty of taking my bad mood out on a shopkeeper or another driver. But I also do it rarely, and try hard not to do it. Mainly because it makes me feel worse about myself. And because I know how that feels, I hate doing it to someone else. This aside, today, bad manners are far more prevalent than basic common courtesy, politeness, civility and treating others as you'd like to be treated. I'd be the first to tell you not to bottle things up and to express your feelings, with all the trouble this has caused (and still does) me over the years. But this does not mean you express them all over the place like an exploding toilet! What happened to self control? Or discretion? Or thinking of repercussions? The age of instant gratification is well and truly here. And it seems to include instantly releasing your garbage so you feel better and be damned what it does to others. The other day I had a lady say to me not to take to heart the bad treatment of her daughter and son-in-law (who is my brother). She cavalierly said that it means nothing - it's just them unloading shit and we all do it. I said I disagreed. Yes, we all are guilty at times of doing or saying things we (should) regret later on. But on a continuing basis it was just plain bad behaviour. I told her yes, we all have bad times, but it's not fair or right to continually take it out on others. That is simply bad manners and bad behaviour. Whatever happened to communication? Having conversations? Discussing things? Instead of dumping things. I do not like the way society is going in this regard. I have had atrocious times in my life, yet I could still manage to be nice to others, considerate and polite. This actually made me feel better about myself and my situation for a little while, instead of just perpetuating the ugliness. Come on people - do not spread your shit everywhere. Contain it and deal with it. Other people have feelings and a right to walk safely and happily in this world and not nervously and tentatively, afraid of others moods, each and every day. Grow up and act reasonably!

Sunday, March 29, 2009


You see it happen so many times. People going from one long term relationship that has failed, straight into another relationship. Not even finishing the first relationship fully, before embarking on another. I am not a prude. I understand not all relationships or marriages work out. But why do people jump straight into another one? What is wrong with taking some time, even a few months, to be on your own? Gather your thoughts, finish that relationship physically AND emotionally. Process things. Let things sit. Gather your breath. Sort yourself out. Calm down and settle down. ESPECIALLY when children are involved. If you are confused and having trouble adapting, image the turmoil, confusion, damage and hurt the kids experience. Carrying YOUR emotional baggage into the future. Shaping and molding them. Changing them forever. Perpetuating bad relationships and cycles and dysfunction, when there is no need for it. People are afraid to be on their own. Afraid to try and cope. Afraid of what they might feel or what they will discover about themselves. Thinking they need a partner to be complete. That this is the only real goal in life. Others just like that perpetual feeling of "being in love". I understand parents need lives too. Of course. But when you decide to have children and bring them into the world, your job is to consider them first and to minimize any hurt as much as you can. You can't shield them from everything. But making stupid decisions for instant gratification is very WRONG. If you don't take even a little bit of time to catch your breath and be on your own, even just to sort your domestic situation out, you are really doomed to repeat the mistakes and choose similar people to the failed relationships. Come on adults, especially parents - do the right thing by your children AND yourselves. Sort your lives out and stop the dysfunction that creates enormous pain. It's not fair on the children. They didn't ask for it.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Self Reflection

A little bit of regular self reflection is a good thing. It doesn't have to mean going into counselling as that isn't everyone's cup of tea. But getting to know yourself and being honest with yourself (if no-one else) is a good thing. You can notice your good and bad habits, your good and bad qualities, notice things you'd like to change and things you'd like to build up. You will notice your role in relationships, patterns of behaviour, things that you do to sabotage yourself, things that build you up inside and you want to do more of. This all helps you achieve a healthier sense of self, greater self confidence and balance in your life, so you don't get knocked down so often. So you achieve your goals and follow your dreams while still meeting daily obligations. It also stops you blaming others all the time for things and not taking any responsibility. It can be a way to intervene early in problems and keep your life and relationships on track. And a way to treat the people around you with more respect instead of lashing out all the time. Just something to ponder ....

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Blessings in Disguise

I wonder if the current economic crisis is a blessing in disguise. It was always going to happen after the years and years of increasing consumerism, materialistic attitudes and impatience. While the straw that broke the camels back may have been the 'big wigs', we as a society and individuals are not blameless. Falling for the ruse that more things will make us happy. Buying all the gadgets, clothes, cars and must-haves NOW and never pausing to think. Buy now pay later. Instead of choose now, save and buy later. The Australian dream of a home turned into the biggest and best you could eke out of lending institutions. Not starting modestly and working your way up. Renovating as you could afford, DIY, just being happy with a roof over your head and a loving family underneath. There is no appreciation of what we have. No joy in working to save for an item and being grateful. Have all these items, increased and crippling debt, children in every activity under the sun until they have schedules that rival executives, made our society happier? Or healthier? Or peaceful? Or crime-free? Has it eradicated abuse, violence, illness and suffering? No. We have more and more people suffering stress. Anxiety. And Depression is the leading cause of disability in Australia. These surely are signs of a society ready to break. Of unhappiness. Of strain. Of continual seeking when what you need is right there within and surrounding you. We see evidence of this all around us with irritable people, rude people, children who have limited attention spans and appreciate nothing. Maybe the economic crisis that is the consequence of all this, was meant to be. There is more and more talk of simpler lives now. Of growing vegies, of recycling, of reducing energy costs, of wanting more from life than material possessions. This has emerged out of necessity, yes. But the flow on to spending more time as families doing these things as they are time intensive, comparitively, has to be a positive thing for relationships, which these days, so many of us find so difficult and so finicky. So much talk of being mindful and in the moment. Not hippy talk. Not the answer. Because in years gone by they did this naturally. Yes, the state of the economy and the strain on many due to this is not nice. But I wonder if this is the start of a much needed bigger change that can only benefit society, people, the environment and the world's happiness. Just a thought.